Christmas Day. My favorite Holiday, time to celebrate Jesus's birth and bake and eat and open gifts and see "holiday family" (the only time you see these family members are during the holidays) and be merry and grateful and sing carols and a million other things. Almost EVERYONE I know loves Christmas. What's not to love, such a joyful holiday, so much fun, so much love. But this year is different, the baby and I are still in the hospital. Things are looking up though, his breathing treatments are going well, the IV comes out and he's finally eating again. We might be able to go home today, just have to get the baby's oxygen levels to hold and we are as good as gone. BEST.CHRISTMAS.HOPE.EVER. We might be going home! YAY!
Considering I had never spent a holiday in the hospital I had no idea what to expect, so I expected nothing. My hubby and I talked and he was going to bring the older kids in later so we could all open gifts and spend some quiet, quality family time together, I was looking forward to it and thought this day might not be so sad after all.
But something even more magical was in store for us this Christmas. Thanks to many AMAZING people in our community, we were bombarded with love and joy and hope on this day. The local fire department came and brought Santa and Mrs. Claus and gifts. One of the local John Deere Unions donated a wrapped gift to every child in pediatrics. Random volunteers, local businesses, local charities and churches all giving of their time and generosity, we were showered with gifts and cheer from complete strangers. It was a confirmation of what a beautiful community we live in and the kindred spirits and hearts of these great american people. I was BLOWN away.
Another little tidbit I did not consider is that kids being sick and in the hospital makes for a good news story. There were a group of reporters and cameras following around the Fire Department and The Claus's, visiting all the kids in their rooms, giving gifts and talking to the parents.
Reporter: "Ma'am would you be okay with us filming Santa's visit with your son?"
Me: "ummm, well what are you going to film?" (looking in the mirror at the hot mess that I had become since walking through those hospital doors days ago).
Reporter: "just his time with Santa, enjoying his gift and a few questions from you."
Me: "sorry but no, I don't mean to sound shallow but I am a mess and don't really want to be on camera."
Reporter: "oh don't worry, we won't film you, just ask you a few questions."
me: "uh ok, I guess that will be fine."
Remember when I said I was a softie? Maybe I should have said I'm a cry baby, emotional, hot mess of a mamma. I think that is a much better definition of who I had become since this whole debacle started. The reporter asked me one question, just one, and I was a slobbering, snotty, unshowered, uncoiffed (roots were SOO bad, I needed more than a touch up, I needed a wig), unfashionable, emotional wreck.
"What makes this Christmas, being in the hospital with your baby, different from holidays celebrated in the past?"
I poured my dang heart out, talking about my other kids at home, not being involved in the family time, how much I missed cooking and baking and wrapping gifts. How scared we were about what was happening with the baby, about how far he has come in just a few days, how I was just wanting to get things back to normal, and the whole time I'm BAWLING, like can't keep it together, trying to catch my breath, can't understand a damn word I'm saying, tears and snot everywhere, geez what a frickin dork, kind of bawling.
I should have done a better job of keeping it together, I should have tried harder to be more technical and a LOT less emotional. I should have showered, I should have changed clothes, I should have at least threw on mascara or lip gloss or a hat or something. I should have been braver or stronger or anything else than what I was. Then, I would have allowed the reporters to keep their word and keep this emotional breakdown off the air, but alas, I wasn't and i was gonna pay for my willy nilly weaknesses. I don't think those folks had any idea the "reporter GOLD" they would get from me. I didn't even think about it until after they left. It would take a miracle for that "display" to not make it on air, especially since three camera men (that were filming from the doorway) and another reporter came shuffling into the room as soon as my waterworks started flowing. My family and friends still razz me sometimes about my blubbering, train wreck of ridiculousness and an entire list of fashion "Don'ts", but its all good cuz were close like that. I love my friends and family and dammit, we can all agree, if there was EVER a time I'm allowed to "lose it", that was it.
I'm reliving it and dying from embarrassment all over again, I'll never forget it and I'll never agree to an interview while looking like THAT again. This might sound shallow to some but anyone who primps for things like a teacher conference or doctors or dentists appt or the zoo or anything simple, knows what I'm talking about. I'm not a psycho who can't leave the house without makeup or even someone who wears it often, but lets face it...there is a place and time for EVERYTHING and being on the local news, is definitely a "hair and make-up" moment. Epic FAIL by me. But then again, I had no idea of how heart wrenching I could be. How was I to know I was so fabulous for news? Geez, just chalk up another "I know you can but I can do better" for me. I really wish these moments were a little more "proud' and lot less "dork". But, I'll take what I can get. I have never before and can't imagine ever again, having a day that was THAT emotional and overflowing with feelings of hope, happiness, sadness, doubt, embarrassment, joy, terror, vanity and self worth. It will be a hard one to top and honestly, I'm not looking forward to it, but I'll take it if it comes, I'm seasoned now.
But on to more pressing news...the SOLE reason we are here, the miraculous and amazing result of the day, the babies oxygen levels were good, he was holding his own, doing great, cooperating, improving and by 4:00 on Christmas day 2011, he was released from the hospital and we were on our way home. Man oh man.
Happy birthday and THANK YOU sweet baby jesus.
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