Hubby's new job was commission only and we were not getting paid what Hubbs estimated for every sale. He was not new to this industry, he had been doing it for 5 years until 9/11 shut his branch down, so he had a very good idea of what were were to be paid. As a matter of fact, we were not getting paid AT ALL. One month, two months, three months passed and still no check. His manager kept giving us the "oh, corporate is getting it all figured out" OR "their was some confusion with your commission, but i heard from my boss and you'll have your check next month"...blah blah blah. All the while our bills were stacking up. (side note: Hubbs and I agreed that I would be a stay-at-home mom, no matter how tough times were, we would have to make it work and I had already quit my job). We have NO INSURANCE because of the job change. And to add insult to injury, my first-born was a franklin breech so emergency c-section was the only option (we didn't find this out until we had a stress test and ultrasound, she was 2 weeks overdue). Just like that, from routine pregnancy to emergency c-section, this is not a cheap procedure folks, more dollar signs racking up.
My marriage and family had just begun but, this was not a happy, fun time. We were broke, paying for groceries, bills and baby stuff with the only two credit cards I had (Hubbs had no CC's) and borrowing money left and right. I had never even "touched" the maximum credit line of my cards before and now we were not only at the maximum but we were going over too (let us not forget that when you go over your limit, you start to accure charges EVERY MONTH, thats right, more frickin' money out the window). So, needless to say, we were stressed out beyond comprehension, arguing and fighting like cats and dogs. Like horrible, mean, ugly fights. Full of blame, resentment, hate, frustration and "school yard" name calling. And in the middle of it all? A beautiful bright, blue eyed, beauty. She was such a good baby, never cried, complained or stressed me out. She was easy. So easy in fact that I asked the doc at one of her "well baby" check ups if something could be wrong with her. He assured me she was fine, I was just lucky. Yeah, sure lucky. Thats what I was thinking...NOT!
I've always felt my daughter was an "old soul" and I'm thinking that God blessed me with this beautiful, sweet, loving, understanding little girl because everything else in my life was overwhelmingly hard. I didn't deserve her or God's grace, I was not appreciative, I "checked out". I blamed my inability to "bond" with her on the fact that she was "nothing like me", she looked like my Hubbs and his Irish side of the family, blue eyes, pink skin, nothing like me and my olive skin, dark hair and eyes, not even a hint of "korean" (my heritage that I'm PROUDEST of)..what a pathetic excuse of a human being I am, what a pathetic excuse of a mom I am (Give me a sec, the water works are flowing). I remember always having her around, never going anywhere without her and doing all the mom stuff you're supposed to do. I would read to her and play with her but I can't remember if I was nice, or loving or sweet or motherly or not. I can't really remember much of my time with just her around. How sad is that? I'm in tears AGAIN as I write this, how could I not remember? How? Maybe someday I can somehow reach deep into my mind and find and record all my recollections of her babyhood, as for right now, I'll just have to stumble through the limited memories I have. I did do a baby book for her so I have at least some idea of her milestones. Hindsight is 20/20 and I'm sure I was suffering from depression for many years, starting with my first child and continuing on until I had my third.
We finally got our first check, 3 months after Hubbs started his new job. But, it was a personal check from his manager "I'm sorry, I don't know what is going on with corporate, they screwed up your check again so I figured I could help out a bit, here's $900". WHAT?!?! 3 months no money, bills adding up, new baby and $900 was all we got? What a joke, this is not gonna work out. I had been borrowing money from my folks, he was borrowing from his folks, this wouldn't even cover paying back one of them. After some sleuth work from Hubbs, who was finally suspicious after the "personal check", he finds out that his manager had changed all of Mike's applications to his name and this man was reaping our rewards, this man is a thief but "just built a $900K house, he had much BIGGER bills to pay, and it was just for the first few months to get him out of his hole." Are you fucking kidding me? Hubbs had been confiding to this man about our financial turmoil the whole friggin' 3 months and this asshole just sat there and ball faced lied to him. I'll tell you what, Hubbs was ready to find this man and beat the living crap out of him, but I convinced him jail time was the LAST thing we needed and talked him out of it. That man will never know the ass kicking I saved him from, what a loser, he'll get his, karma is a bitch. But, this man is shit, this job is shit, Hubbs needs a new one.
And just like that, a ray of light, his old manager from an old job found Hubbs (he actually tracked him down and found him somehow, came knocking on our front door one day). This man was on a mission, he was a manager for a new company and "needed" Hubbs on his team. Would he be interested in a new job? Starting salary is six figures and he can start right away. And after hearing our "woe ist me" story of the past 3 months, helps us find the dipshit former manager and tries to help us get our money back. No way, the company has too many corporate lawyers and possibility of getting anything from the old manager? Fat chance, "he filed for bankruptcy and lost his job", we would accrue to many legal fees and there's no guarantee that we will get anything from him. Time to cut our loses and accept that karma had in fact found him. Boo yah baby, don't mess with us, we have the good guys on our side. The difference in the old manager and the new manager is most evident in the following action; "here is $5K as good faith money, you dont' need anything else to worry about, I know its not much but maybe it will help to get you guys back on your feet and give you some breathing room until you get your first check."
Wow, God comes through again, Thank you JESUS!!!
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